A Hug is all it takes

Munna Bhai said it long back (Mr. Deeds said it LONGER back)...Jaadu ki jhappi can do wonders for everyone!!!

One can befriend strangers, can bridge distances between angry loved ones, can make a crybaby smile, can bring tears to the eyes of toughest of souls...can even revive people from coma in the most obscure of ways!

But that is not what this piece is about. While on a lighter note, it seems so incredible that a hug can fix-it-all; it is as unimaginable as it is incredible. Imagine walking up to someone, you are having a row with and hugging them all of a sudden. A multitude if reactions can be received...

1) "Freeze-frame"

2) "Get off me"

3) "WOWWWW!!!!"

4) "You smell funny...."(often thought, rarely said)

And it is this fear of hearing all these weird things, that keeps us at arms length from people we care about. Who would want to be perceived as vulnerable in the one act of love that is so pure??? Its as wholesome as it is unnerving...and No, we don't do unnerving!!!

So, what's with all this preaching about hugging?

Its because a hug given at the right moment by the right person can save you from the deepest dungeons of self afflicted agony.

Its because a hug is just the right amount of intimacy one wants when one is utterly sad or when one is too delighted to even put it in words.

Its because sometimes, when you pent up all the world's frustration and hurt inside you and its against your pride to let it show, a hug is all you need to relax and take it easy.

Its because a hug is all it takes to break the walls of deception and be natural once again.

A hug may not be the best of ways to approach strangers, but it sure is the best way to befriend those friends again whom you alienated over long years if neglect.

A hug may not cure the pain, but it gives you that moment of rest and quiet in which you once again start believing in yourself.

So while there is no magic in any "Jaadu ki jhappi"; its the magic of human spirit that is always rekindled with a hug. But what if you don't find anyone to hug??? Then like Barney Stinson giving himself mental hi-fives; raise your arms and wrap yourself in your embrace and tell yourself everyday "its like heaven in your arms"... :D

Addiction!

Don't tell me, its not worth fighting for...

don't tell me, there's nothing I want more...

Yeah well, the song reminds of a really romantic backdrop; but obviously the title sets the context right. In an attempt to fight against addiction for anything, an addict must feel this way. Those of you who may be imagining me with a bong in hand, beware!!!

This isn't about any ordinary addiction of hash, marijuana, coke, nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, etc. Its about addiction itself.

People these days brag openly of their indulgences and addictions. Being a "shop-aholic" is the "IN" thing! Being a "TV addict" is even cool in some circles! As much as we try to find euphemistic words for all our shortcomings, we all know how hard it will be to let go of a habit which we so dearly cultivated. Personally, I have always tried to control my own habits. Indulge but never over-do it! I would drink tea, but always in moderation. I would eat chocolates, but tire of them if I had them in abundance. I would break habits continuously if I felt I was getting dependent on them. So I always believed addiction a weakness of character...

And then I was introduced to "FARMVILLE"!!!

It was just the beginning though. After growing wheat and rice and herding up cattle and buying tractor and stuff,I was quite proud of myself. Assuming that all these activities were as easy in real life, I could have run a very successful farm! But as stated previously, despite over indulgence in this case, i tired of it...

(Yes, i know tiring isn't a real strength!!!) But it helps one fights addiction...(another contributing factor was the link getting banned in my college :P)

In any case, I realized after this episode of vulnerability that I can be an addict too!!!!

Oh, many other Facebook-games followed afterwards...my obsession with them peaked and then plummeted! I clanged to them for the sheer joy of "killing" time and then I found better things to do...

This experience however, also made me acknowledge some of the things you become addicted to in life and their subtlety is so sublime that you hardly ever notice your dependence on them or admit their inevitability. For instance a mother's need to know what you had for dinner even if you are a 1000 miles away; a father's concern for your career casually hidden in his interrogations about "how are things?"; a sister's undying love for you even when you hardly find time for her; the sheer wholesomeness of good times you share with your friends every other day...

I admit i am addicted to all these and would never want to let go of them...As much as one craves independence, it is these dependencies that fuels ones initiatives. So while its worth fighting off the other ordinary addictions, it worthwhile hanging on to some.

As for Farmville, MY WILL turned out to be much stronger :D

Kaleidoscope

People my age must remember those almost extinct "mela(s)" now, where we used to go with our parents and nearly choked them to death with the constant harping on about the urgency of buying something from the "gubbare-wala"(Balloon vendor). Oh well, the occasions were many when such urgency surfaced as the balloon vendor had more than balloons in his treasure-chest of a cycle! Those queer goggles, multicolored flutes, magic games and what not...but something that becomes even more intriguing with age (unlike all the other stuff we enjoy as kids) is a kaleidoscope.

Looking into a tube of cardboard, a kid never expects to see all those colors forming magical images at the other end and as much as it mesmerizes a kid for its sheer creativity and stroke of genius, it still remains a toy for her. Every few years when you revisit the kaleidoscope, it excites your senses, relaxes them at times, ignite deeper meanings in your mind about life, people, events and yourself! Somewhere down the road of life, it stops being a toy and becomes a totem that leads to self discovery. For its physical presence is not necessary, like a wise metaphor it keeps you sane and amuses you in the face of deepest of miseries.

A recent turn of events reminded me of it and so the writing bug caught up with me once more. How different elements of life amalgamate into one event and how people of different backgrounds, with different needs, different priorities in life, different values; all come together to fight for their rights. As a critic of diary entries, I have never really appreciated documenting real events. What I do appreciate about writing is referring to events in subtle ways and driving home the point. Thus while the event is inconsequential for the readers, its message may be resonant with them in many walks of life (to everyone, their own!).

Pretty early on in life, it becomes clear to most of us that "ye duniya bdi sangdil hai" (:P). Even for optimists, cynicism about certain facts of life becomes and integral component of thinking. But at times this "duniya" really surprises you. You see unity after repeated exhibition of diversity... You see the dawn of a common interest after the night of hidden agendas... You realize what is important and what is not, all at once! That is precisely when I am reminded of a Kaleidoscope; those little pieces of different shapes and colors(people), lying in different corners of an orthogon(diverse cultures, needs, interests, values), coming together in different patterns on every rotation(the ups-and-downs of life) to make beautiful images and patterns(sense out of the insanity of this world).

Of course it occurs to me from time to time, that man is a social animal...he is expected to flock together and act as a mob. But seeing it in a good light is refreshing at hell really!!! Especially when you are part of the mob (obviously an intelligent mob), you feel its heart, its pulse and how it is fueled by not just biscuits, chips and pav-bhaji but by the sheer strength of emotion and an unsaid (or may be overstated at times) understanding. Victory in the end or compromise...matters for some and doesn't affect others...what stays with all of us is the pattern that life's kaleidoscope presented this time, and how we all fit into it so seamlessly...enhancing each other's beauty(inner...DUH!!!) and value! :)

Mind over Matter

At times one wonders what's real and what isn't? We think something and life takes a whole new direction! We do all thats good for this world and we get zilch in return! We be everyone's friend and everyone seems hell bent on making an enemy out of us! We blame the destiny for things, this "duniya" seems mean a lot of times. Oh the cruelties one faces, while going through the passage of life!!!

Of late, I have been part of many a conversations in which I found myself negating the concept of externality of events. So obviously, this piece is not going to be any different! What if co-incidence is just a series of pre-meditated incidents arranged by some random mix of people? What if the probability of winning or losing is directly related to the intellect(or lack of it) of the parties involved? What if doing good to the people who reallllllllyyyy need it is more prudent than doing good for the world (that way there is higher probability of getting zero+ returns from good-doing)?

After all "mind over matter" is not just some far fetched idea best suited for movies and literature alone. Its a concept that many have acknowledged and adapted to for their benefits and that of others. I like to believe that whatever we get in our lives is fruit of our own strengths and weaknesses. This thought itself pumps me with such confidence and enthusiasm about life!!! Whatever I do, I get this feeling that I will be responsible for whatever good will come out of it (and if it doesn't work out,I will know what NOT to do!)

But the convenience of passing on the baton of negativity to an external force seems such an easy solution, that many of us like to keep things the naive way! Of course I remember the days when cycling my way to school I used to "pray"(!!!!) for a good grade in some test I took. And obviously I am not that old that I can' remember the times I first blamed God, destiny and more recently genes for my obesity! Blaming everything bad on forces beyond you is easy and as much I would like to condemn it, I do see the other side of it as well.

The victory of mind over everything material is not just manifested in one's ability to face all odds based on one's sole will power. Its also there in the survival instinct of every human being that is hardwired so deep in the psyche! We blame the world for our misfortunes because blaming ones own self for everything can really be crushing at times...internalizing pure glory and pride can be fuel to one's narcissistic fire but internalizing all responsibility can really kill one's buzz!!!

Therefore fascinatingly, the theory of karma (as influential as it may be), seems to be wanting in many areas. By the end of every entry I make, I end up contradicting my own beliefs. Unhealthy as it may be for a self assured and self believing individual like me on an emotional level, I am sure this exploration by expression is healthy is some obscure way.

For what is more productive than building a sound "mind" that can conquer all that "matters"?! :)

Of all the hotties in the world,he had 2 go after Sita!

Ever wondered what must have come over 'Dashanan' to go after Sita in the first place?!

I mean,i do understand the "revenge" perspective to start with...but how did he get so carried away that he started wooing her?!(that too in captivity...DUH!!!)

We all know he was a semi-brahmin (his mother was a demon). And we all know that he was super-intelligent. In his childhood, he could put Vibhishana (the full-brahmin half brother to shame,with his cunning). Brother Kumbhkaran was never any match anyway. We also know that he had 10 heads, so you can imagine the IQ(lets make it 180*10)!!!

Unless he was susceptible to 10 times as much confusion too, one can easily assume Ravan to be a pretty rad guy with psychic n telekinetic powers (what,with all the additional brain strength!)

So why did he take such a foolish step? Why did he ruin his marriage? Why did he go after a married woman? Why did he become so stubborn that he even fought till death for a lady who was not ready to accept even his courtship? Why did he sacrifice his whole kin for this madness?

People have wondered a lot, i know. A convenient take on this is "when the end is near,people stop thinking right". But i don't agree. Of the 10 heads he had, at least 1 must have been thinking right!!! That little voice in that one head must have been shouting - "come on dude, she wont go for you...and have you considered the havoc this Hanuman guy can create,if Ram asks him for it??? I mean,he's the avtaar of your deity!!!"

Hence it can be presumed that Ravan's head(s) must have had some other forces at play when he made such rash decisions.

(Male) EGO for instance pops up into mind! I mean,who goes for abducting and loses his heart in the process too? Its a known fact that Ravan had a beautiful wife (even though she was a demoness as well) and all these years he had been dedicated to her. But when Sita rejected him, it turned into an ego-issue. Think about a king who can have it all and now the girl he wants doesn't want him. Imagine the dent in the EGO!!

MIDLIFE CRISIS is another factor. After all, Ravan had an adult son, so that must mean he himself was at least 40! With the monotony of ruling over Lanka and getting entertained and tended to by demons day in and out, one can easily start craving for some adventure!

Oh and how can i forget, an OLD FLAME can be at play here as well. Ravan attempted to tie the Parshuram's dhanush on Sita's swayamwar as well (ofcourse he failed)! Now if the opportunity will present itself, why wouldn't one want to get back with the old crush and have some fun?

Lastly, I can concede, Sita must have been a real beauty... This argument doesn't even need any explaining.

So now that we have some idea about what made him go after her its worth contemplating that is it fair to burn him year after year? Bechara... "Budhi bhrasht" or not, we "bhrasht" him every year for doing something he hardly had any control over!

Give & Take

Give and Take...when you start socializing in the very initial years of your life, this concept is beyond you! But as you grow, it gets so ingrained into your psyche that going beyond it becomes impossible for you.

Imagine a Give-Give relationship (Budha in love with Budha!!!) or may be a Take-Take relationship (Narcissus must have attended some couple therapies regarding the troubles he had in a relationship with himself!!!) Therefore I believe it is safe to concede that in all fairness, the equilibrium of any relationship (between two humans or man-beast) is reached and sustained by this very simple concept of Give-&-Take! Now while I prefer considering personal relations over and above social instances, this here is not just some individualistic observation but something that I see thriving in the whole social setup around me.

You go to market (Oh call it a mall if you like!), you buy some stuff, you pay for it (Give-&-Take; DUH!!)

You become the loyal customer of some company, the company provides special services to you (Give-&-Take)

You join a new college and you make new friends, and those who are not friends...what do you call them?! Acquaintance, a.k.a Give-&-Take!!!

You work in a group... I guess there is no Give and Take dynamics here, only a painful experience for most...(may be not the free riders...)

And finally there is the personal front. It is said a mother is the only person who always gives to her child and doesn't expect anything in return. Well, I beg to differ...I mean, we all are aware of the dialog "Dudh ka karz"!!!

When it comes to fathers, they are big givers too, but they take a lot too... sometimes your self esteem, sometimes your power to choose a life partner, sometimes your independence, sometimes all your fears, sometimes all your debts (:P)...sometimes simply your affection...(they are emotional but hate showing it so they take the first two instead of simply asking for the last one!)

With brothers and sisters its pretty much clear usually (they want what you want so its kinda Take-what-she-is-taking-and-give-what-she-is-giving!)

Friends usually don' bother with defining the type of relationship...even though they know its give and take, they also know that "sab pyaar de bhukhe ne"!

And finally that special someone. Now all of us know about "unconditional love" but even laughing it off will mean entertaining the idea at all. So my take on it is of utter neglect! LOVE is there, alright, but its conditional ( and in most cases its Conditioning also!). After all, Chacha Choudhry ka dimaag chahe computer se bhi tez chlta hai and he can outsmart the most calculative of criminals, but even he knows the right time to be home for dinner and Mini!!

In the end, it is out of complete reverence for the whole Give-&-Take concept that I would like to say -it wouldn't have been easy for humans to have proliferated their specie so much if it hadn't been for the simple barter of things(and ideas) and cooperation amongst communities. Why still the idea is maligned with shades of materialism and lack of emotionality, I fail to understand!

Sister est la Soul-Link!

With1.2billion people thriving in a country as great as India, I doubt any of us can fail to relate with the equation one shares with one's sibling(s). For all of us have at some point in time pestered our mommy for a new bro or sis...and then again, many of us have questioned them many years later, that what came over them,that they brought such monsters into this world!!!

But this relation is much more complex than it appears. Personally, i have only one experience here which i can scrutinize from various angles (having a sister). Now the bond two sisters share; has shades of love, hate, jealousy, comradeship, support, judgement, preaching, guiding, mentoring, agreeing and disagreeing and agreeing to disagree...And all these shades are bound to make such a relation a most cherished possession on occasions...(and a pain in the neck, on others!) I am quite sure that a sis-bro n bro-bro relation must be steeped in its own intricacies and experiential learnings, but what two sisters share, at times transcend the boundaries of blood ties and enter the realm of being soul-mates of each other.

As Samantha reminds all the friends in SNTC-2 that they are soul-mates and they don't ditch each other for anyone else; same way, sisters are always there for each other! Fashions come and go, sisters share every dress and stiletto they have... career opportunities come and go, sisters share all the aspirations and face all the difficulties together... guys come and go, sisters share every feeling they have...

But come on, a sister isn't really an angel personified!

She can be your worst competition... the source of your worries... the reason why you are always "the bad gal" at home! In short, you can't live with or without them...

While the more contemporary writers fail to stress on the importance of this relation, the classic works from the pens of Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice) and Margret Mitchel (Gone with the wind); throw light on some distinct shades of this relation.

Two people, same blood, different thinkings, similar upbringings, and end result... a sweet relationship; sometimes sweeter than friendship; sometimes more reliable than a diary entry and sometimes sturdier and more giving than true love. Sisters show each other what they are in their hearts, expose the true self of the other...bringing out the best in the other (much like Nescafe) and in doing so, become a sole-link-to-the-soul! For who better to acquaint you with yourself than the one you share your DNA with!!!

They prepare you for the world and when you come back home all beaten up, they cheer you up (with weird "mujhra" on any song playing on the radio) and send you out again with newfound confidence and hope! They proclaim their love for you all of a sudden when you are raving about some new found friend and they are ready with an "i told you so" whenever you are crushed with the cruelties of this world!

Still..."Phoolo ka taaron ka, sb ka kehna hai....ek hzaaro mein....la la la la la....:P

....saari...umar...hume sung rehna hai....":D